Well it’s about time I started a new series on the Take. I figure it’s best if there is some organization in my life and what better way to do that than a weekly series of posts to discuss our foes in the National League East division, arguably the most competitive in the game.
What’s that you say? I have contradicted myself in the first paragraph of the first edition of the Daily Divisional Diatribe by calling it a weekly series? Well that’s all part of the ingeniousness of it all. According to merriam-webster.com:
Definition of DIATRIBE
- archaic: a prolonged discourse
- : a bitter and abusive speech or piece of writing
- : ironic or satirical criticism
I am going for number 3 in these pieces… hopefully we don’t start doing bad enough to where I have to write ‘bitter and abusive speeches’ although a discourse could also be pretty accurate.
I wish sarcasm was added to the definition of diatribe; that would easily make things more exciting. However, we will have to push through all of this with none whatsoever. Curse you Merriam-Webster…
What good is the first edition of the diatribe if we can’t gloat about being in first place while the Phillies and their old school players are sitting around in 5th. Behind the Mets! It’s also a bit humorous that the Marlins are sitting behind those Metropolitans as well. I mean, smart people decided to pick them to finish first in the division. The blasphemy of it all…
Most places have the Nationals in the first slot simply because they use the winning percentage as a tie breaker but screw that, the Braves are in first place in my book. The Nationals and their ‘Natitude’ can try and earn first place fair and square when they play some more games.
That’s a great thing to see. Who would have thought 2 years ago that the Nationals would be at the top and the Phillies would be the only team below .500 in the NL East? Not too many people. Another thing I love is that the Braves are on top while all the experts in baseball said that they didn’t make enough moves in the offseason to contend. Well how do you like us now?
So savor it. Savor first place and go rub it in each and every freaking Phillies fan’s face. Then after you do that try to say freaking Phillies fan’s face five times fast.
I am planning on making these pieces detailed but it’s going to have to wait for this edition. However don’t think that I am giving you the short end of the stick. I’m going to put up a picture of the weeks loser in baseball and we can have a caption writing competition. Sounds fun right? Everybody likes memes right? Yeah!!!
Alright I will start things off:
Hamels: “Dude, this guy’s been annoying me.
Hamels: “I dunno dude, I mean he just gets so much attention. It reminds me of when I got attention a few years ago, and they are doing good, and we aren’t and I dunno I just want some more attention…”
Hamels: “I think I will just hit him.”
Ruiz: “Alright, just don’t make it look intentional”
Hamels: “Dude, I’m not stupid. I got this.”